Trump voters: You need a board-certified shrink

Ren Cen flags as seen from the People Mugger.

Let’s see if I’ve got this straight: you’re a Trump supporter and either:

  • your mother was a strict disciplinarian — maybe even a Tiger Mom — who never said “I love you” or gave you a compliment
  • your father drank too much and, when he did, he beat you
  • you were bullied a lot as a child and didn’t have a support system

I really feel for you, for if you’re supporting Trump, then the only explanation is that, unfortunately, one of those things (or something equally traumatic) happened to you a long time ago, and you’ve never really gotten over it. It just ain’t easy, particularly as, today, the collateral damage of this pain morphs into any of three issues that only a board-certified psychologist is equipped to handle.

For example:

No. 1: You have a lot of anger. That’s the bad news. The good news is that, in this voting cycle, you’ve finally found a vehicle to express and purge that anger — at the system, at politicians, at government in a single vessel, one man: Donald Trump. He represents a finally opened spigot through which IMG_1658now freely flows so much hurt — melting away, just like the Wicked Witch of the West after a few super soaker blasts.

“Vengeance is mine,” sayeth The Almighty Trump Voter. Hallelujah. Your ship’s come in. Your day of retribution has arrived. And, it feels good, doesn’t it? Trump efficiently represents your personal Dr. Phil intervention and a ticket to your own, Electoral Promised Land.

The Donald somehow taps into the anger-core of your very being. It’s hard to explain, really, but you just feel it in your gut. It’s as if the crazier he oozes batshit oratory, the more you adore him. To those who believe as you do, no explanation is necessary; to those who don’t, no explanation is good enough — evidence be damned.

For in any other election cycle, you’d have never voted in a bigoted, racist, flip-flopping and ego-driven blowhard as this. You wouldn’t have let your otherwise sensible good judgment be suspended in such an unfettered fashion. But it’s just different with this guy.

No. 2: You’re delusional. You actually want to participate in something consumers file class-action lawsuits against: being baited-and-switched. Yet, your beloved candidate has actually said he’s going to do this to you — allegedly to become more presidential — and, you believe that. You’re buying one Donald Trump today, but you’re expecting a different Donald Trump tomorrow.

In other, more sensible mental times, you’d never want your Commander in Chief:

  • letting Saudi Arabia, South Korea and Japan and other currently non-nuke nationalities to get their hands on the most potent weapons Koreaever developed
  • blasting off-the-cuff obscenities more befitting a drunken sailor than the leader of the free world
  • making fun of handicapped people
  • informing everyone that his daughter “has a nice figure” and that he would date her if she weren’t related
  • making ego-driven, uninformed decisions that change based on the audience he’s in front of or to the degree to which some campaign staffer later showed him how truly stupid that last comment was
  • meting out late-night revenge tweets about people as globally significant as Russell Brand, Cher or even “Fuckface von Clownstick”

This is the presidential horse you’re riding and the Oval Office reality you’re constructing. “Oh, he’ll somehow instantly change,” you think, magically morphing into presidential-quality timber when the words to the Oath of Office pass through his steely, orange lips. Sorry — that rhetorical dog just won’t hunt.

Remember, when you reward a certain behavior, you get more of that behavior. Your support of, voting for and attention to Donald Trump means one thing: you’re going to get more of Donald Trump. The precise candidate you’re seeing today (re-read those above bullets again) is the precise “leader” you’re going to get tomorrow. He won’t change. People rarely change.

No. 3: You no longer think character matters. You know in your gut that character and all its trappings — being respectful, having guiding principles that actually inform your choices, showing empathy, not bullying everyone who disagrees with you — matters.

But, now, with Trump, you’ve lost that particular moral compass, rendering your decision-making abilities about his character essentially rudderless. And that’s somehow okay SydneySunwith you. You actually want this guy leading you, setting the moral, political and social agenda for 330 million other American patriots while also representing you to 7.125 billion across the planet?

Good luck with that. Oh, and good luck with getting a board-certified shrink to take you on as a patient. You see, you’d better hurry to secure an appointment — I hear all the good ones are applying to switch their licenses to Canadian addresses for some reason.

Look, I too am disgusted with the vapid rhetoric, bankrupt morals and broken promises axiomatically yoked with most politicians. But that doesn’t mean I’ll sell my presidential-voting soul to the first buffoon who comes along addressing my below-the-radar anger, who “tells it like it is” — or, at least, the way he thinks it is. No, I ask basic qualifying questions first.

Finally, before you get your political panties all in a bunch, you should know that I’m not some liberal nut job. In fact, I’m a lifelong conservative who’s voted the top of the Republican ticket in all previous presidential elections.

Until this one. That’s because I no longer need a shrink.

3 thoughts on “Trump voters: You need a board-certified shrink

  1. Nailed it.
    I agree, 100%, with each and every word, Doug.
    I AM angry, but I was searching for someone to quell that frustration. To guide and help renew my faith in my once proud country. Someone with a vision.
    Marco Rubio was my opinion of just that and whose name I will still write on my ballot.
    It’s all my conscience will allow me to do.

  2. I voted for Rubio in the primary, too. I also voted for Mitt in 2012. But if it comes down to Trump vs Hillary in November, I’ll hold my nose and vote for Trump. We have a two-party system, and like it or not, we need to vote for the less destructive of the two options. And that’ll be the Trumpster. Sorry. Let’s all hope that the checks and balances in our Constitution can keep him from doing too much damage.

  3. Sorry Doug. Couldn’t disagree more fervently. I’m not angry… I’m not immoral, I’m not delusional. I believe that Hillary Clinton is a criminal. I believe Hillary Clinton, by law, is ineligible to hold office. I believe Donald Trump, in 50 years of public life, has never been accused of sexual impropriety, nor ever called a racist until he ran against the Clinton Machine. I believe our political system is corrupt – our politicians are perverse (both sides of the isle), and that if we continue down the road we are on, we will find the cliff in front of us very soon. I believe the only candidate that can turn us around as a country – put us back on the road to prosperity, fiscal responsibility, and Constitutional integrity is Donald Trump. I buck every premise you stated above – and I am NOT the minority of Trump backers. We are tired of the corruption, the pay to play, the political elite running this great country in to the ground. I’m a small business owner, a father, and an American that is watching half our country supporting Coligula or Al Capone in a pad pant suit for the highest office in the Country all because she has a womb.

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